When I found out I was pregnant with my youngest daughter, Josie, I was overwhelmed and afraid. My fiance and I already had three children, and we were struggling financially. For the first time in my life, even after experiencing a teen pregnancy, I considered abortion. I convinced myself it was the responsible choice because I was already worried about how we would provide for the children we had, and I scheduled an appointment.
A nurse at the clinic saw how emotional I was and told me I could take the medication home instead of taking it there. I left that appointment with the medication and every intention of going through with it. For more than a week, I held onto it. As the days passed, I felt like I was running out of time and would eventually have to make a final decision. So I pressured myself into taking the first abortion pill.
Then everything changed.
The reality of what I was doing hit me all at once, and I experienced immediate regret. I was terrified, heartbroken, and desperately searching for answers any hope at all that I could save my baby. I found myself on my bathroom floor in the middle of the night, calling every hotline I could find.
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I wasn't looking for someone to make a decision for me. I was looking for someone to tell me if I still had a choice.
Tweet This: I wasn't looking for someone to make a decision for me. I was looking for someone to tell me if I still had a choice.
When I contacted the Abortion Pill Rescue Network, someone answered. Even in the middle of the night, I was treated with kindness, compassion, and respect. They listened to my fears, explained my options, and connected me with medical care immediately. No one pressured me. No one judged me. They simply helped me through one of the most difficult moments of my life.
The support didn't stop there. They helped with baby items, resources, check-ins, and encouragement. They made sure I never felt alone and reminded me that I had people standing beside me.
Today, because of that help available, I have my daughter Josie.
She is joyful, stubborn, funny, loving, and deeply cherished. She is my little shadow, my mini-me, and one of the greatest blessings of my life. She is healthy, thriving, and has had no medical issues whatsoever. I cannot imagine our family without her.
I share my story because I know I am not the only woman who has felt fear, uncertainty, or regret. Women deserve access to information. Women deserve support. Women deserve to know all of their options. I will always be grateful that when I needed help, someone answered.
Photo timeline of Josie created by Lanie Johns
Meet Josie
Josie Mae is now two years old, and it is impossible to imagine our family without her. She is joyful, stubborn, fearless, curious, and full of personality. She keeps us laughing daily with her silly expressions, dramatic reactions, and determination to do everything herself. She loves being outside, playing with her siblings, exploring the world around her, and keeping everyone on their toes.
She is my little shadow and follows me everywhere. If I'm cooking, cleaning, folding laundry, or simply walking from one room to another, chances are Josie is right behind me. She has the sweetest heart and gives the best hugs, but she also has a fiery spirit that reminds me so much of myself.
Her siblings absolutely adore her, and she has brought so much love, laughter, and joy into our home. She has a way of making even the hardest days better with a smile, a cuddle, or one of her mischievous little grins.
When I look at her today, I don't see a difficult season in my life. I see a beautiful little girl who is deeply loved and whose life has touched our family in ways I never could have imagined.
Tweet This: When I look at her today, I don't see a difficult season in my life. I see a beautiful little girl who is deeply loved
She is not just part of our story. She is one of the best parts of it.
Because someone answered, I get to be her mom.
Editor's Note: Lanie reversed a chemical abortion with the Abortion Pill Reversal (APR) protocol. She shares her story in hopes of inspiring other moms and raising awareness of APR. Heartbeat International manages the Abortion Pill Rescue® Network (APRN) and Pregnancy Help News. Heartbeat is currently the subject of two lawsuits brought by state AGs concerning sharing information about APR.
